This was just like, the weirdest few weeks ever, brother. First of all, I'm just about to get my god damned cake I've been trying to ask somebody for for weeks, and eight guys just outta freakin' nowhere and start preaching about how, "Blah, blah, our leader was kidnapped." and then they offer us like 6000GP to go find him. In the end, it turns out that they're this
So anyways, we head on over to this bandit camp after searching around for like three freaking hours, and it's, of course, a huge wall that nobody can get through. So Wince, this cool human guy, gets stuck on the outside of the wall, and there's the one guy sitting there taking shots at him with a crossbow, missing every. Freaking. Time. Anyways, eventually, we killed all the bandits and got Waltz, and he told us to go check the leader's body because the leader had a letter. So we grab the letter and, guess the plan was to release Waltz anyways. But, long story short, we had to go to ANOTHER bandit camp, where we subjugated a bunch more people.
We get into this cave after a while, right, and Harken (the angry Bard guy who's really mean) challenges the Bandit Leader to a Guitar Battle. Now, it was just prior discovered that the item which Waltz was searching for was a Magical Guitar, known as the Metal Axe, which is a pretty funny name, being a guitar, right bro? Anyways, Harken and the Bandit Leader have this guitar duel for like, 35 seconds flat, and then the leader transforms into a sound dragon. Yeah, just outta nowhere, kind of like a freakin miracle or something. So we
You'd think that, being the end of a dungeon, the journal would end right there. That is not the case this time. Holy...
...god...
...cake...
...
...
...I'M BACK, MOTHER FUCKERS. WHERE WAS I? RIGHT, THE NEXT DUNGEON WE DID. HEHEHE, THIS ONE'S PRETTY GOOD. MY GOOD BROTHERS AND I, MY GOOD BROTHERS I SAY, MY GOOD BROTHERS AND I, WE'RE JUST SITTING OUT IN THE TAVERN HAVING A GOOD DRINK WITH ALL THAT FAT LOOT THE BROAD AND HER SEVEN FRIENDS GAVE US, RIGHT, WHEN WOLFEYE COMES IN AND HES JUST LIKE, "DUDE, THERE'S A GROUP OF ORCS FUCKING UP SOME VILLAGES," SO MOST OF US WERE JUST LIKE, "WELL SHIT. LETS GO SAVE EM ALL." SO WE WENT AND WE GOT TO THE ORC VILLAGE, READY TO FUCK THEIR SHIT UP, RIGHT? TURNS OUT SOME BASTARD BEAT US THERE, KILLED ALL THE ORCS DAMN WELL FOR US, THE FUCKER DID, AND RAN RIGHT OFF WITH ALL OUR LOOT. SO ANYWAYS, WE GET THERE, BROTHER, JUST FUCKIN RAGING, AND THIS GOD DAMNED ORC COMES OUT ALL BEING A PUSSY AND BEGGING FOR A GOOD SUBJUGATION, AND HE SOMEHOW CONVINCES MY MEATHEADED FUCKTARD TEAMMATES TO HEAD INTO THE MINE AND GO SEEK OUT THE FUCKER WHO DID OUR JOB FOR US.
WE HEAD INTO THE MINE, TINY LITTLE 35' BY 35' ROOMS, BUNCH OF GNOLLS, SO I GOT MY MURDER ON AND WE WHOOPED THEIR ASSES FAIR AND SQUARE. POOR FUCKERS IM DRAGGING AROUND HARDLY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITHOUT ME. AFTER A WHILE HARKEN GOT SOME FUCKIN CLAWS, LOOK REAL STUPID. WE WENT THROUGH THREE MORE FLOORS OF HARDCORE SLAUGHTER AND WE FINALLY GOT TO THE BOTTOM FLOOR.
EVEN THOUGH THE ROOM WASNT MINED OUT, SOME TALL CRIMSON HAIRED FUCK WAS HANGING AROUND THERE ANYWAYS. HE LAUGHS AND SHOWS US THE PIECE OF THE PRISM WHICH WAS DOWN THERE, TELEPORTS IT RIGHT AWAY. AFTER SOME COCKY LINES ABOUT HOW WE WERE GONNA DIE, WE ALL GOT OUR STRIFE ON. HE PRETTY MUCH SAT AROUND WHOOPING WINCE'S ASS FOR LIKE THREE TURNS, AND THEN HE TURNS AROUND AND HITS THE ENTIRE PARTY'S WEAK POINT FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE. I SAID MASSIVE DAMAGE, MOTHER FUCKERS. ANYWAYS, THE DICKBAG JUST WALKS OUT ON US ABOUT 24 SECONDS IN, WINCE SAYS HE RECOGNIZES THE GUY FROM HIS VILLAGE, WHICH BURNT LIKE A FUCKIN BITCH. ANYWAYS, WE GET THIS GUY CORNERED, HE LEAVES, JUST LIKE THAT. AFTER ALL THE SHIT WENT DOWN, WE GOT OUT OF THE MINES AND GOT SOME TREASURE, AND THEN HEADED DOWN TO THE TAVERN TO HAVE OURSELVES SOME BEER AND ALE, AND I JUST HAD MYSELF A CAKE. I THINK IM GONNA GO FUCK SOMEBODY UP.
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